August 27, 2007

Totally Unfair

After a week off from my day job, I went back to work today. After 2 hours sleep. And I attended a 3 hour meeting during which I think I gave coherent, accurate, legal advice. At least I think I did. Yes, I am superwoman. I Lawyer, I Mom, I Wife, I Daughter, I Stamp -- not necessarily in that order, but you get it. I'll tell you why this is unfair. My goal in life is and always has been to be unemployed. Going to law school was THE FIRST BIG MISTAKE. The SECOND BIG MISTAKE was passing the bar. Then folks kept hiring me. And promoting me. I kept waiting for someone to knock on the door and explain that I had really flunked the bar and it was all one big misunderstanding. I've always felt in over my head. Then, after years of real litigation (as my high school friend the doctor said to me "you don't actually go to court do you?, to which I replied, "you don't actually touch patients do you?") I snagged my honey pie husband. Another lawyer. And nice. And cute. Surely this meant children and the mysterious world of the stay at home mom. My goal has always been to be the stay at home mom. (When I left the Department of Justice, they gave me KNITTING needles as a going away present!! and wrote on my cake "Good Luck Donna Reed.") (I'm not kidding.) Alas, I married Mr. "I wouldn't think of insulting you by expecting you to stay at home and give up being a lawyer so I'll be your total partner and do more than my share around the house and help raise our son and work 60 hours a week." And so he did and so he does. Of course my fantasy of how a Mom who is home actually spends her day is well, a fantasy. In my mind, the house is clean, but not too clean, no one is sick, dinner is cooking, and my son is always happy. Oh, and I've spent a few hours volunteering at his school and at the homeless shelter, and he has listened to my suggestions on how to improve his study habits. I am a Saint Stay at Home Mom. Luckily, I've been able to work part time, but even with that wonderful schedule, there were those awful days when our son needed to go to the doctor for some minor but important illness, and my husband and I would gently try and convince each other of the importance of our day ("I've got a Supreme Court argument." But, dear, I'm saving someone on death row.", only to be upped by the "I'm meeting with the President." -- all lies, but you get the point.) My Mom once said that the "problem" with my generation was that it had too many choices. I used to think she was right, but now I'm not so sure. Maybe I got it just right. If you are a stay at home Mom, you go honey!! I'm not too proud to admit how jealous I am. And if you are a working outside the home Mom, you go honey too. Do what you need to do to keep YOUR family functioning. I am no closer to understanding any of this than I was when I got those knitting needles -- oh, except I still can't knit. I took up stamping instead!

18 comments:

  1. I gave up a career 15 years ago to be a SAHM and have never looked back since. I often get asked, "Aren't you going to go back to work now that the boys are big?" or "Don't you get bored all day home alone?" No, to both of these questions, LOL. I have to tell you I have never felt more rewarded , more special and more loved now than I ever did working. I hope one day you will be able to kick back and learn to knit (I did!) Hugs.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Isn't the grass always greener on the other side of the fence? I've been at home now for almost 20 years. Last year, I landed a full time job, but before it started I began to doubt whether I could handle it and everybody here too. You are blessed with a wonderful support system in your husband. Knitting is overrated, and frustrating. Stamping is a much better use of your time. Besides how many scarves can one husband and one son wear??
    You could always become a professional writer? I enjoy reading your blog. Imagine that, stay at home and write articles during the rinse cycle?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Retirement equals more stamping time. Just a little something to look forward to, but enjoy using your talents on many fronts. PS. Think about comment moderation where you can pull the plug on comments that don't belong here.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Loved your blog today! I love that I have a great career and that people want to keep paying me a great salary so I can negotiate tough deals. However, the Polaroid in my mind of being a SAHM never developed and while I have a daughter and now two grandkids -- I love the time I spend stamping and scappin' and look forward to it and spending time on my hobby! Thankfully I have a great housekeeper so I don't have to feel too bad that the house is not immaculate but lived in and clean! It's OK to whine about what we don't always get to do -- as long as we don't turn to wine!

    ReplyDelete
  5. oh you have my dream job - I would die to be a lawyer - it's just that I'm old and who would hire an old lawyer... that is if I could get in to law school, pay for law school, pass the bar... you get the point... at this age it's not happening but I still hold on to the dream that in the next life I will come back as you... lawyer stamper extrodinaire (did I even spell that right??)

    ReplyDelete
  6. i'm a sahm who is scared to death to re-enter the work world in a couple years when my youngest go to 1st grade(i feel the need to say here that my youngest is a plural - my youngest is actually a set of twins - so 'go to' is appropriate as opposed to 'goes to') it's funny cuz i was scared to stay at home. and, well, give up that 2nd income. now i'm frightened to figure out what i want to do when i grown up, actually find a job, and then dress and act like an adult again! at least i have 2 years until that time.

    ReplyDelete
  7. You could Stay-At-Home and be a freelance writer... I love this post!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I didn't have the luxury of being a SAHM when my daughter was growing up but as soon as my DH and I realized we'd like to eat beans a couple nights a week and retire and enjoy life, we did. I've never regreted a minute of it. Only after I retired did I start stamping. Good for you, Joan, that you can work AND stamp. Enjoy life while you can.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Joan, as always, interesting, funny, and well written. I became a SAHM after being laid off from my engineering position, I never would have been brave enought to quit. I Love being home, though mine is a loud chaotic mess with uncooperative children. I know I appreciate it more having worked for 15 years, 6 of them as a Mom.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Very insightful Joan. Yes, I agree with your mom, too. We have too many choices these days.

    I am content being a Stay at home mom but I am far from a Saint. My days are totally caotic!! To say the least!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. I have been on both sides of the spectrum, I have been a stay at home mom, then had to go back to work for the support of the family, working some weeks 60-70 hours, all while homeschooling my kids, to my life now, I met and married the most wonderful man that told me it was my choice to make but that he prefered me to be at home with our 4 kids. Our oldest just graduated from high school and is going into the Navy in December, and our youngest is in 4th grade. I am not going back to work full time anytime in the near future, but might do some part time sub work this year at the schools, but what I love about that is that I can pick and choose which jobs I take. :-) I wish I had more time to stamp while here at home, my problem is that there is too much to do cleaning up and taking care of 4 kids and a husband..LOL. Oh well, I am loving being home.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Joan,

    Thank you for my morning giggle! I love the way you write. Your entry today rings true for a lot of us. I can't wait for the day I retire, but I'm only 51 and it will be a while. Until then, I enjoy my part-time status with every Wednesday off for ME!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I'm with you. Worked full-time except to have babies, then back at it 6 weeks later. That's all my friends did too. The only SAHMs I've known are my "virtual" stamping friends. I've spent 25 years working f.t. for the government, wasting time in the airport, and endless we're-getting-no-where meetings, however all I wanted to do was go play with my babies. Now that my babies are older 16 & 20, fortunately, they can travel with me when the trips are longer and the locations are of interest. Guess you just make the best of what you've got.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Amen! I'm counting the months (9--just like a baby)until I'm retirement eligible. Not that I'll be able to retire, just know I "could". Luv ya, Joan :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Joan - that was a great post. I can totally relate to what you're saying. :-) Thanks for sharing. From one workin' mom to another I say "Hang in there sister".

    Beth (Mommy to a busy 4 yr old)

    ReplyDelete
  16. hmmm, I still don't get the beginning of the post about, uhmm fairness?
    I think I did it all backwards, in gradschool I had a toddler and three jobs on the side (and a clean house! ugh), now that the toddler is making me a grandma, I got all those degrees (they're somewhere!) and I am SAH ;) Got a great organic garden going and lots of other stuff I do, I think it should have been more distributed over my life, like not trying to kill myself when I was young and now not trying to kill others who say don't you want to go to work? LOL.....

    ReplyDelete
  17. I have dreams where the folks from my high school track me down and tell me that I need another math credit, or my diploma is invalid, my college degree is invalid, etc. I try to explain: "But I have a PhD in Physics, can't you just waive the stupid high school math credit?" No, they can't. So I have to go BACK to high school, where I can't remember where the math class is, I can't remember my locker combination, the final is coming up....

    ReplyDelete
  18. You are soooo funny!! I love and understand you, is that good?? When I was growing up I wanted to have six children, a house, and be at home. Of course, my heroines were Donna Reed, June Cleever, and Loretta Young. I would wear pearls, heels, and pretty dresses, stockings, and always have a pretty apron on. LOL. While in High School along came this woman named Gloria Steinem, she was NOT one of my heroines. No, this can't be happening...they can't be actually FIGHTING for women to go to work!! What a nightmare. So I had three children, no house, and no PRETTY aprons. I do have pearls though. I worked about 40 years and became disabled, I guess my body just couldn't take it anymore, darn that Steinem, homewrecker. I also promised to never name any of my children Gloria!!

    ReplyDelete